Here I am.

I’m lying here listening to my 5 yr old snore. I bet most of you reading this haven’t yet been given the gift of parenthood, so i should tell you the sound of a child snoring can be the most glorious sound in the universe. First, because said child is not currently kung-fu-ing anyone/animal/thing and all is quiet for a moment. But mostly because its a solid, yet peaceful reminder of the life inside him. Having lost a baby at 5 months of age who was sleeping soundly and suddenly ceased to be alive, there is no greater blessing than hearing your child snore. I won’t get into that now though. I will simply say its an amazing reassurance. My point is, it made me think about child birth, specifically my own 3 childrens’. The excruciating pain of natural birth, despite begging for drugs at times. I always felt a sense of pride after my body healed that I was able to give my children that…a natural birth, a real first view of the world without the cloud of pain killers. Not that I am against it, for the record. I did say I begged for it at times. But the thing I love the most, am most proud of, is how instantly the pain of your body being basically ripped apart just disappears when you hear that first fierce scream from this new lifes mouth, a verbal confirmation that you have just received the worlds greatest treasure, its most beloved blessing. The pain subsides so quickly, and you’re in love. 2 weeks in, you’re tired and weakened but even deeper with this new one as you learn about each other. No more pain. It’s gone, and has been replaced. I was just lying here thinking…how every single second of that hurt was worth it, and that I would suffer that a million times over if it would keep them safe forever so that my babys can lie next to their own children someday and hear them snore and be grateful. As I am now. The end.